What If I Miss the Birth? Backup Plans and Honest Conversations
As a doula, you’ve probably envisioned your role in the birth space countless times—hands-on support, guiding your client through the waves of labor, offering soothing words at the right moment, and being there in the beautiful moment when the baby arrives. Unfortunately, no matter how much you plan, sometimes things just don’t go the way you expect. You might be at another birth, stuck in traffic, or your client’s labor might go much quicker than you anticipated. And suddenly, the question creeps in: What if I miss the birth?
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s also an inevitable reality in the world of doula work. Birth doesn’t care about your schedule. However, that doesn’t mean you’re powerless when it comes to ensuring your client’s experience remains supported and empowered—even if you’re not physically there when the baby arrives.
So, what do you do when this happens? How do you handle the emotional impact of missing the birth, and how do you ensure that your client still feels taken care of?
If you're worried about what to do if you miss a birth, or just need some guidance on how to handle the logistics, keep reading. I’ll walk you through setting up backup systems, making sure your clients are supported, and navigating the emotional side of missing the birth.
Set Realistic Expectations
The best way to handle the possibility of missing the birth is to be upfront with your clients and ensuring they understand that birth is unpredictable, and sometimes, you may not make it in time. You want to set expectations in a way that feels honest, reassuring, and calm.
When you first meet your clients and go over your contract and services, make sure they understand the possibility that things might not go as planned. You can say something like:
"Birth is unpredictable, and sometimes, no matter how much we plan, things don’t always unfold exactly as we expect. If I’m not able to be there for your birth due to timing or other circumstances, I have a backup doula who will be ready to step in. I will do everything I can to support you, and you will be in good hands."
This statement does two things: it sets the expectation that missing the birth is a possibility, but it also reassures them that they’ll still have support, no matter what.
In addition to this verbal conversation, you also need to have a policy in your client contract that addresses what happens if you miss a birth and the use of a backup doula.
Every Doula Needs a Backup
As much as you try to be available and manage your schedule, there will always be those moments when a client goes into labor during a time when you simply can’t be there. Maybe you’re on a family vacation, maybe you’re at another birth, or maybe the baby decides to make an early appearance.
That’s where engaging the use of a backup doula is essential. The key is to have a trusted, qualified doula who is comfortable stepping into the birth space if necessary.
Here’s how to approach the backup plan:
Choose Someone You Trust: Your backup doula should be someone whose skills, personality, and approach align with your own. National Baby Co. has a network of experienced doulas, and collaborating with someone you trust can provide peace of mind. The more seamless the transition between you and your backup, the better.
Communicate with Your Backup Doula: From the very beginning of your relationship with your client, make sure your backup doula knows everything they need to about the birth plan, preferences, and expectations. This way, if they do step in, they’ll have all the information they need to provide the best care possible. Some doulas pay their backup to join them for a prenatal visit so that all clients have an opportunity to have a face-to-face with the backup.
Have a Contract for Backup Support: Make sure both you and your backup doula have a clear, written agreement about how you’ll handle situations where one of you can’t attend the birth. This contract with your backup doula should include specific dates they agree to cover you, how payment works, and what happens if they also miss the birth.
Have a Clear Communication Plan
When it comes to a backup doula, communication is key. Your clients need to know how you’ll stay in touch with them, what to expect if you’re unavailable, and how they can reach your backup doula.
Here’s are a few things you can do:
Discuss Emergency Contact Procedures: Make sure your client knows how to reach you in case of an emergency, and let them know the best way to contact your backup doula if you’re unavailable. Talk about what happens if you’re stuck in traffic or there’s a precipitous birth (hint: Facetime is always an option!).
Be Transparent About Timing: Let them know how much notice you need before you’re able to attend. A lot can change in a short period of time, and clients will feel more reassured if they know when to call you or your backup.
Reassure Them You’re Still Involved: Even if you can’t physically be at the birth, you can still offer support through text, calls, or video chat. Stay in the loop with your client’s progress, and ensure that your backup doula has everything they need to support your client.
Prepare for the Post-Birth Conversation
Missing the birth can be an emotional experience—not just for your client, but for you as well. While your client will likely feel disappointed, it’s important to be sensitive to their emotions and allow them space to share how they felt about everything. You’ll need to have an honest conversation with your client about how things went down. How was their birth experience? Did your backup doula handle things well? Were there any challenges? What went smoothly?
This is a time to reflect on what went well and what could have been improved, even if you weren’t there for the birth itself. If your backup doula was involved, check in with them to see how things went from their perspective, and then discuss it with your client.
By having these conversations, you’ll continue to build trust and rapport with your clients, and you’ll be able to refine your approach to backup plans in the future.
Stick Around Postpartum
Missing the birth doesn’t mean your role as their birth doula ends. In fact, one of the most valuable things you can offer your client is strong postpartum support.
Make sure your client knows you’re there for them even after the baby has arrived. This can include helping them with breastfeeding, offering emotional support, or just being that calming presence in the chaotic early days of parenthood. Postpartum care can be an incredible opportunity to continue to build trust with your client and to help mitigate any feelings of disappointment (although that may not be avoidable). Your support during the 4th trimester can actually strengthen the relationship and show them that you are, and always will be, dedicated to their well-being.
Sometimes, it’s easy to think of your doula role as only being essential during labor and birth, but the postpartum period is just as important—especially for the emotional and mental recovery of the new family. Don’t let missing the birth stop you from showing up in other meaningful ways.
Missing a Birth Doesn’t Mean You Failed as a Doula
Missing the birth can feel like a punch to the gut, but it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’re not a great doula. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things just don’t go as planned. But if you’ve had those honest conversations with your client and set up a solid backup plan, you can still be confident knowing they’re in good hands. Your job is about more than just showing up at the birth—it's about offering solid support before, during, and after. So, trust yourself, trust your backup doula, and remember, the real value is in the care and peace you provide, no matter when or how it happens.