How to Communicate with Doula Clients Without Being Glued to Your Phone
When I first started as a doula, I really struggled with finding balance. The fear of missing a call from a client left me glued to my phone, constantly checking for messages, and staying on high alert. And let me tell you, it was exhausting. When you're a doula, this behavior can become a slippery slope. Your clients need you, yes, but that doesn’t mean you need to be at their beck and call, especially if they aren’t even due for a while! Doula, you need to find balance. But how do you do that? How do you find that sweet spot between being responsive to your clients while not placing your life on complete hold?
First, I want to remind you: You are not a 24-hour service. Is that news to you? Maybe. Because as a doula you know that you will live an on-call lifestyle and so it’s easy to feel like you have to be available at every single moment, but here’s the thing: you can provide exceptional client care without being on standby all. the. time. In fact, setting boundaries around your communication helps your clients know you’re dependable and that you’re in control of your own time. The key to finding the balance mentioned above? Smart, intentional communication.
Here are some tips I’ve learned over the years to maintain a professional yet personal relationship with doula clients without sacrificing my sanity.
Set Clear Expectations From the Start
The moment you sign on to work with a client, set the tone for communication. Let them know upfront when you’re available to respond and how you prefer to be contacted. Be clear about your working hours, your preferred methods of contact (text, email, call, etc.), and how quickly they can expect a response.
Here’s an example of what to say:
"I’m available to via phone, email or text during regular business hours—Mon-Fri from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. If you reach out during business hours, I’ll do my best to respond on the same business day. If you contact me outside of those hours, I’ll respond the next business day. For urgent matters, like you think you’re in labor, I’m available 24/7. Please call for all urgent matters.”
If you set this type of boundary: stick to it. If your clients know they can expect a response within a reasonable timeframe, they’ll stop feeling like they need to message you every time they have a question.
Use Your Doula Agreement to Your Advantage
A good doula agreement will cover more than just the logistics of payment and services—it should also address your availability and communication policies. Include a section that outlines how you’ll handle things like late-night texts, emergency calls, and last-minute changes.
By doing this, you set boundaries that don’t feel personal—they’re just part of the agreement. You’re being professional, not rude. If a client tries to contact you during off-hours and is upset when you don’t respond within minutes, you can simply refer back to the agreement and calmly remind them of your boundaries.
Establish Communication Preferences
Every client is different. Some might want to text every question, while others might prefer to send a long email with everything on their mind. Find out how your client prefers to communicate, and be flexible within reason.
BUT, don’t let your client hijack your schedule. If someone’s texting you non-stop and expecting instant responses, it’s okay to have a conversation about how to streamline communication. You can guide them to send texts only for quick updates, reserve phone calls for serious questions, and save long discussions for scheduled check-ins or meetings. If my client sends me a string of questions I may respond by saying, “This might be a good time for a check-in call so we can chat about the things that are on your mind. I’m available [this date and time] - does that work for you?”
Use Texting Wisely: Quality Over Quantity
Texting is convenient, but it’s a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it lets you communicate quickly and easily; on the other hand, it can become an endless back-and-forth. When it comes to texting your clients, you need to be intentional. Don’t get sucked into the cycle of constant texting.
Here’s how you can use texting strategically:
Short, actionable texts: Use texts to send brief updates or reminders. For example, “Just confirming our appointment for tomorrow at 2 p.m.” or “Remember to bring your birth plan and any questions you may have!”
Encourage a weekly summary: If they need a lot of guidance, tell them to compile their questions into one message or email, so you’re not constantly replying to small, fragmented thoughts.
Know when it’s time for a call: If the conversation is turning into something complex or emotional, it’s time to switch gears and move from texting to a call or a face-to-face conversation. You’ll communicate much better, and your client will appreciate your effort to dig deeper when needed.
Respect Your Own Time and Energy
You know that saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? That applies here. If you’re constantly checking your phone or scrambling to respond to texts at all hours, you’re going to burn out. Set a boundary around your phone—put it on silent when you’re off the clock or at least set up a “Do Not Disturb” mode for certain hours of the day.
Don’t let your phone dictate your energy. If you’ve just wrapped up a birth or a long shift, take time for yourself. Don’t feel obligated to check your phone for messages the second you walk in the door. Recharge. In your day-to-day life, set aside time where you just don’t check your phone. Maybe that’s during meals or one-on-one time with your children.Your clients will appreciate you more when you’re refreshed, and your work will be far more effective.
Create a Backup Plan
It’s inevitable—life happens, and sometimes you’re not available right when your client wants you. Whether you’re in a meeting, dealing with your own personal life, or simply need a break, you need a solid backup plan.
Set expectations from the beginning about what kinds of things you will handle outside your set hours, and what constitutes an emergency. Establish who your clients can contact (hint: you should have a backup doula) if they can’t reach you immediately in the event of an emergency or urgent situation. This way, your client has peace of mind that someone is available in the rare circumstance you are not.
If you’re a part of our NatBaby team, this can be even easier. You can have backup doulas who are available in case of an emergency, and that takes some of the pressure off you while still ensuring your clients are cared for.
Let Go of Perfectionism
You will not always be able to respond right away, and that’s okay. You’re human. Let go of the expectation that you need to be “on” 24/7. Setting boundaries and managing expectations with your clients creates a more sustainable work environment for you, and it leads to better, more focused support for them.
When it comes down to it, it’s all about intentional communication. Setting boundaries, communicating clearly, and respecting your time will allow you to provide the best support to your clients—without sacrificing your well-being. You don’t have to be on-call 24/7 to be a great doula. Find a system that works for you, and your clients will benefit from your calm, focused energy.