You spend months preparing for a baby’s arrival. You buy the car seat, wash the tiny clothes, decorate the nursery, and make sure you have everything we need to care for a newborn. But how much time do you spend preparing for postpartum? What is your plan after baby arrives?
Who is making sure you have help recovering from birth? Who are you going to go to for questions? Who will feed you? Who will care for YOU?
As a soceity, we love to romanticize motherhood, but the reality is we are failing new moms in some pretty fundamental ways. We celebrate the baby, shower the family with gifts, and tell mom how lucky she is, then send her home to recover from birth while caring for a newborn with little more than a stack of discharge papers and a six-week follow-up appointment.
We expect new moms to figure out breastfeeding, manage sleep deprivation, adjust to the physical recovery and hormonal changes, and the bear the emotional weight of becoming a mother, often with very little practical help and even less ongoing support. Americans have normalized leaving women to fend for themselves during one of the most physically and emotionally demanding seasons of their lives, then wonder why so many women are struggling.
New moms need real care, meaningful support, and a community that shows up long after the baby arrives. It's time to stop pretending we're doing enough and start addressing the ways we're letting them down.
The Postpartum Care Crisis
Once a baby is born, all the focus shifts to the child, while the mother is left to fend for herself. After pushing through pregnancy, childbirth, and massive hormonal shifts, most new moms get one measly checkup at six weeks. One. That’s it. After that, they’re expected to be up, running, and managing everything, all while bleeding, sleep-deprived, and (if you’re anything like me) barely keeping it together. This is unacceptable. Moms need more than a pat on the back and a "good luck." They need ongoing support, both physically and mentally, and yet, most of them are left to figure it all out on their own.
The Pressure to "Bounce Back" is Garbage
If the physical recovery wasn’t enough, society piles on by expecting moms to "bounce back" immediately. Social media’s obsession with women getting their bodies back, their lives back, their careers back… it’s all trash. Moms need time to heal, to bond with their babies, and to figure out their new reality, not to be pressured into pretending everything’s fine when it's not. The expectation that women should look like they never even had a baby a few weeks postpartum? It’s insane, and it needs to stop.
Postpartum depression and anxiety are way more common than we acknowledge. Yet, we push moms into silence, expecting them to feel nothing but joy. The reality is that many mothers feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, and completely lost, but they’re afraid to say anything because society expects them to just "enjoy every moment." We need to start having honest conversations about mental health, check in on mothers regularly, and actually listen when they say they're struggling.
Practical Ways to Support New Moms
If, like us, you recognize the major shortcomings in how our society cares for and addresses new moms, AND you want to help make long-lasting changes, here are some beautiful ways you can help the new mamas in your community:
Help new moms get find a postpartum doula. Daytime and overnight postpartum doulas support the mother physically, emotionally, and practically. We help with breastfeeding, give guidance on newborn care, cook healthy meals and snacks, help tidy the home, and offer emotional support through the months and weeks after birth. It’s the kind of support every new mother should have but many don’t even know exists.
Forget the flowers and set up a meal train instead. Moms need nourishing food and rest. And not just for a day or two, but for weeks, maybe even months. Organize friends, family, and neighbors to drop off meals regularly. This simple act takes the burden of cooking and grocery shopping off new moms’ plates, letting them focus on recovery and their baby. Imagine how much easier postpartum would be if moms didn’t have to worry about feeding themselves for a while!
Want to throw a baby shower? That’s great, but take it up a notch and host a nesting party instead. Instead of just giving gifts, friends and family come together to help the mom prepare her home before the baby arrives. They can help assemble nursery furniture, organize the nursery, stock up on groceries, deep clean the house, and even prepare freezer meals. It’s a practical, hands-on way to show up for an expecting mom and make sure she’s ready for postpartum life.
Want to know the best way to support a new mom? Keep showing up. Don’t just send a text saying, "Let me know if you need anything." Take action. Show up with food. Offer to watch the baby while she showers. Do some laundry and dishes during your visit. Offer to bring her a coffee. Gift her with a postpartum massage. Sit with her and listen, without judgment. Ask her how she’s really doing, and if she’s struggling, help her find the resources she needs. Despite what many may believe, the postpartum transition can last years, not 6 weeks or even 3 months. Stay present as often as possible so that your mom friends feel loved, comforted, and support.
And the beauty of all of this love, care, and support is that when you pour into one mom, she’ll be more likely to pour into new moms that come after her. It’s a beautiful cycle of healing that can grow and continue on.